Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
