i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
