Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
