why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i dont even know how to be here
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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