Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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