So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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