allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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