you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
