How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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