My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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