I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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