remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
