remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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