There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
