aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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