his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize