I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
