I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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