does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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