But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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