Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
