we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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