she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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