gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
