he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
