Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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