I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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