I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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