I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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