How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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