He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
