So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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