I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
