Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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