I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
