I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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