I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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