Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize