the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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