Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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