You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
