babies were throwing up all over the place
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
