I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
