Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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