I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
