She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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