I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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