Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
