guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A bitchslap is in order.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
