Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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