Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
