Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
