Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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