we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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