so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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