I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
