Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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