you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize