During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
