I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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