Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
