Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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