I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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