He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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