I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i will never coherently bang her
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
