I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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