We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
