Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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