Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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