fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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