I didn't shave. On purpose
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
