i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
