just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
