I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
