just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
