My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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